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Gordon Rayner Associate Editor |
Monday
After last week’s blood-curdling local, Senedd, and Holyrood election results, Starmer attempts to pacify mutinous Labour MPs with yet another “reset” speech. He urges them to hold their fire until they have heard him out. The result? After a predictably uninspiring address, devoid of new ideas, scores of MPs rushed to their keyboards to call for him to go.
If only we could access the PM’s diary for the week. Well, luckily, we have managed to get hold of it*, and can bring you exclusive, eye-opening snippets below.
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*As imagined by Guy Kelly Features Writer |
Starmer: Unbelievable. I think I’ve been very clear. Yesterday I gave new roles to Gordon Brown and Harriet Harman. Today, with sleeves rolled up and tie in the bin, I said we should get closer to the EU, then confessed that my family were working class-ish – and they say I’ve got no new ideas!
Have WhatsApped Morgan McSweeney to ask if we should do another reset tomorrow, this time not even wearing a shirt. No reply yet. I guess his phone’s been stolen again.
Keir Starmer gives his latest ‘reset’ speech at Coin Street Community Centre in London |
Tuesday
The “Starmer Out” brigade talks excitedly of ministers using the weekly Cabinet meeting to oust the Prime Minister, or at least persuade him to set a timetable for his departure. Starmer ploughs through the meeting without giving them a chance to speak, and loyalist ministers file out of No 10 to give a series of mini press-conferences to waiting reporters.
Everything is fine, they insist. Jess Phillips, the safeguarding minister, and three other ministers resign.
Starmer: Put on my hard man voice for Cabinet, the one Lady Vic says makes me sound like Kermit with a hangover. “I’m going nowhere,” I told them all. “We know,” they replied. “That’s the problem.”
A few threw the towel in. “So rare of Jess Phillips to put her head above the parapet,” I said to Lammy, who told me it was good I’d not lost my sense of humour. He said Burnham’s on his way, but will probably be delayed. “Avanti…” I muttered. “English breakfast?” he replied. He really is a moron.
Wednesday
Undeterred by this being the most important day of the parliamentary calendar, the King’s Speech, Wes Streeting, the Health Secretary, decides now is a good time to catch the Prime Minister and tell him he should step down so he can have a crack at the top job.
The meeting lasts only 16 minutes, including the time taken for Streeting to walk to and from the Prime Minister’s office in Downing Street. Starmer says: “No.” The King’s Speech goes ahead, but yet more MPs call for Starmer to go.
Starmer: Wes asked to see me to brag about cutting waiting times. I told him he’d have to call at 8am to try and get a same-day appointment. Alas, all I had in the diary that morning was “7am-12pm: Scream Into Pillow”.
After that, the King’s Speech, which I have to say was different from how I remember the film version. Got to walk very slowly with Kemi. Must say, it felt good to speak to somebody who wants me to stay in the job until the election.
Thursday
The day begins with Angela Rayner announcing that HMRC has cleared her of wrongdoing over her £40,000 stamp-duty error, though she does not say whether she intends to run in any leadership contest. Then, the most expected resignation in recent political history finally comes when Streeting quits as health secretary, without declaring a formal leadership challenge, suggesting he does not have the backing of the requisite 81 Labour MPs.
A hectic day ends with Josh Simons, the former minister, giving up his Makerfield seat so leadership favourite Andy Burnham can try to get back into Parliament.
Starmer: Lammy says he saw white smoke rising from No 10, so wondered if it was like the Vatican and I’d finally been replaced. Turns out it was Big Ange vaping in the garden. “I thought you’d quit?” I said. “No that’s Wes,” she replied, “and Jess Phillips, and Zubir Ahmed, and Alex Davies-Jones, and Miatta Fahnbulleh, and six ministerial aides…” I have missed her.
Bad news, though: Burnham managed to find his way out of Euston Station. Not sure if I should be concerned about him coming over to No 10 earlier with a tape measure, Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen and a deck of curtain swatches. “Just having a look…” he said. All Ange asked was if it comes tax-free.
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Andy Burnham spotted out for a jog yesterday |
Friday
Labour’s ruling National Executive Committee confirms that it will not block Burnham from standing in Makerfield, having prevented him from standing in Gorton and Denton in February.
Meanwhile, Donald Trump says it will be “tough” for Starmer to survive, “unless he can straighten out immigration – where he’s weak – and if he doesn’t start drilling and stop with the windmills all over the place... he’s got to open up the North Sea”.
Starmer: Have texted Donald a bit – needs must. “The G20 needs its best players on the pitch to fight for peace, and I’m easily in the 1st XI!” I pleaded. “WHAT? I AM WITH XI IN CHINA NOW. U MAKE NO SENSE!!!,” he responded.
I asked him if he could declare war on Liechtenstein or Malta, to create a distraction, but he said I shouldn’t make places up. McSweeney says there’s only one thing for it. I nodded solemnly and undid my top button. “Time for a reset.”
Go deeper with our coverage of the Labour power-struggle:
Starmer could stand aside for Burnham ➤
Four ways Labour’s psychodrama could play out ➤
How Labour’s leadership rivals will come for your money ➤
The £800m skyscraper deal casting a shadow over Burnham’s leadership bid ➤
Dale Vince: I’d give Starmer cash to fight off leadership rivals ➤ |
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Telegraph Ale will be available at participating pubs today while stocks last |
An average of four pubs per day have announced their closure so far this year, robbing towns and villages of their community hubs. Many of Britain’s remaining pub owners now face a barrage of relief cuts, red tape and ruinous taxes.
The Telegraph’s National Pub Day is a great opportunity to support this vital industry – and the people that depend on it.
Yesterday, Rachel Reeves backed our campaign and encouraged people to go to their local this weekend. The Chancellor said pubs were “at the heart of our communities”.
To mark the occasion, Telegraph Ale will be available at participating pubs, while stocks last. The classic English bitter is made by Renegade Brewery. Casks will be delivered to more than 250 pubs across the country for patrons like you to enjoy.
If you’d like to claim your free pint, we’ve put together a guide. Check if your local will be pouring our limited-edition brew and arm yourself with an email voucher.
Claim your glass of Telegraph Ale ➤ |
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Charles Moore The PM’s stubborn defiance of his challengers is constitutionally sound, even if this Government deserves its troubles Continue reading ➤
Camilla Tominey Andy Burnham is destined to be a disappointment Continue reading ➤
Jake Wallis Simons Prince Harry has done a brave thing but the King showed greater courage Continue reading ➤ |
To make sure you don’t miss our newsletters when they land in your inbox, click here. |
Protesters gather outside the Houses of Parliament during last year’s Unite the Kingdom march |
Fifty-eight years after being exiled by the liberal establishment, Enoch Powell’s prophecies have become reality, writes Simon Heffer. As local councillors are elected for their views on Gaza and Tommy Robinson exploits migration failures, British politics is fracturing. Powell would reject today’s Unite the Kingdom march, organised by Robinson. Yet, today’s climate offers the late politician the chance to say “I told you so”. Continue reading ➤ |
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‘Uncontested ideas about power and privilege are being taught in our universities to explain how society works – and it puts us all at risk’ |
During my two decades teaching social work at the University of Dundee, I watched my once-lively classrooms fall completely silent, writes Jane Fenton. A new orthodoxy of critical social justice and victimhood had taken hold, but this relentless fear of causing “harm” isn’t just stifling debate. It is creating a perfect storm for professional inaction that puts the wider public in danger. Continue reading ➤ |
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Artificial intelligence may soon be able to develop better versions of itself. Experts believe that vast amounts of human tasks could be automated in the next couple of years – including the development of AI itself. As James Titcomb reports, AI that can make itself smarter could act like an evolutionary chain reaction, rapidly building to a system vastly more capable than mankind. Continue reading ➤ |
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Catherine Deneuve is known for her hyper-feminine roles and Playboy photo shoots |
At once French cinema’s favourite seductress and a pinup for conservative Parisian chic, Catherine Deneuve’s duality has come to define her career. With two films premiering at Cannes Film Festival, it is Deneuve, 82, discreetly vaping with her habitual look of lofty ennui, that the cameras still turn for. The former screen siren who said “non” to MeToo remains as enigmatic as ever, writes Eleanor Halls. Continue reading ➤ |
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Floral tributes were left by mourners at the promenade of Bondi Beach in Sydney following the shooting that took place there on December 14 |
Peter Halas fled to Australia after his mother and grandparents were murdered by the Nazis. With anti-Semitic incidents on the rise, especially in the wake of the October 7 massacre, he is now questioning whether Australia remains safe for Jews. Halas and other Jews in the country spoke to The Telegraph about their growing fears. Continue reading ➤ |
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Palace’s tears of joy after taking down Manchester City in the 2025 final |
The FA Cup is not only the world’s oldest football tournament, it remains one that is still, despite every attempt to defuse its power, charged with drama, romance and tales of the unexpected. Here is our choice of the Cup’s most memorable moments. Do you agree with our list? Probably not, but that merely confirms how much the Cup has given us.
Continue reading ➤ |
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Coffee lovers may be pleased to learn that their morning cup offers benefits beyond waking them up for the day. A growing body of research suggests that coffee may positively influence our microbiome (gut bacteria), leading to better overall health and even a longer life. Miranda Levy speaks to experts about exactly what coffee does to our gut health, the best way to prepare it and how many cups you should drink each day. Continue reading ➤ Here’s another useful article for you this morning:
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Have you got plans for this weekend? Whether you’re staying in or going out, we’ve got you covered. Every week, Diana Henry, The Telegraph’s award-winning cookery writer, brings you three dishes for a perfect weekend meal. Meanwhile, William Sitwell shares his view from the culinary world – and a recommendation or two.
If you’re staying in...
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Diana Henry The Telegraph’s award-winning cookery writer |
If you received last Saturday’s Recipes Newsletter you’ll have seen that my recipe was designed for someone who has never cooked before. A Telegraph reader who has had to take over the cooking from his wife – for whom he is now sole carer – wrote to me asking for help. He didn’t know where to start. The recipe I provided for roast chicken, red onions, potatoes and herbs was meant to be a blueprint for more dishes using chicken thighs (such as chicken with sweet potatoes, cayenne pepper, green olives and feta). I was moved by the response to that newsletter – I received emails not only from other novices, but from readers who wanted to recommend their own easy dishes to “Peter” (he did not wish me to use his real name). Here, then, I’m offering more recipes that are simple to assemble and cook in the oven.
This sweet-and-savoury honey and soy chicken dish, for example, is good with rice and a green vegetable. As the chicken is cooked with honey, it can get quite dark in colour, so cover it with foil if that’s happening. If you can cook chicken thighs and potatoes in the oven, you can do roasted vegetables. The same rules apply: keep everything in a single layer in your tin so that the food roasts instead of steams. Roasted Mediterranean vegetables are one of the most useful things you can make. You can eat them cold the next day – I sometimes make enough for four days – as a side dish. In this recipe you add white beans so it delivers both vegetables and a pulse. If you, like my reader, are a novice cook you can skip the mojo verde – a green sauce from the Canary Islands – and make it when you feel you have the skills.
Roasted vegetables with beans and mojo verde |
Fish fillets baked in the oven are one of the quickest dishes you can make – fish cooks fast – so this recipe for baked salmon with herb and vermouth butter should also be easy and feels like a real treat. If you don’t want to make the butter, buy a flavoured one instead.
Don’t forget that if you have a specific problem, you can get in touch with me and ask for help. I am here to make your cooking life enjoyable, not frightening.
Baked salmon fillets with herb and vermouth butter recipe |
Find me here every Saturday and in the new Recipes Newsletter, which you can sign up to here.
If you’re eating out...
Sitwell at the White Hart, his restaurant in Wiveliscombe, West Somerset |
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William Sitwell |
This week I’ve got brunch on my mind. It’s not pleasant. I have a long and storied history of hating it (I penned an early brunch takedown in The Telegraph in 2014 and still I resist it).
Bad for the soul, it encourages laziness. Instead: get up, eat, do stuff, have lunch, do more stuff, eat, go to bed (tried and tested for centuries). Frankly, there’s just way too much avocado involved.
The problem, of course, is that I no longer opine from the lofty heights of a critic and writer – I run a restaurant now and what a restaurant needs most is diners. So I’m relenting, putting aside my ire and, yes, we will now be serving brunch at my establishment The White Hart.
I’ve written about it in this week’s column. If you absolutely must go for brunch then my recommendation is London’s Duck & Waffle, where at least you can admire the views of our nation’s capital from the 40th floor of 110 Bishopsgate while you trough a “duck benedict”.
As for my own venture, sorry I won’t be joining you, but happily providing a bill. Rodney, this time next year we’ll be millionaires!
Read William’s column here ➤ |
Nature notesEvery weekday, Orlando Bird, our loyal reader correspondent, shares an off-piste topic that has brought out the best of your opinions and stories. Orlando writes...
Sing, cuckoo! While summer is very much not icumen in at the moment, its long-serving messenger is at least making himself heard. In yesterday’s newsletter, readers raised fears that the bird had gone shy this year. Your responses suggest otherwise. In fact, they point to a veritable redux.
Helen writes: “We live in Cambridgeshire, and have been very lucky to hear a cuckoo on our walk in the Fens over the last couple of weeks. We have gone several years without hearing one, so it has been extra special.”
Another reader adds: “I have recently moved back to the Scottish Highlands, after a few years in the South of England. Four days ago, walking my dog among the gorse and pine trees, I heard a cuckoo for the first time in more than five years. Alas, I haven’t heard it again. Yet.”
Since we’re in Nature Notes territory, I should also mention the response to Monday’s newsletter, on David Attenborough’s centenary. It’s hard to think of another public figure who inspires such unequivocal affection and admiration.
Victoria Parker recalls her encounters with the great man: “Before I retired, I worked for WWF for 24 years. David Attenborough was a trustee. The first time I met him (in the 1970s), he was wearing his favourite sports jacket, and stood out from the other trustees in their grey suits. I was introduced to him as Vicky, and he always remembered my name – quite an art. A true gentleman.” That’s all from me for this week, folks. I’ll be back on Monday to bring you our best talking points. In the meantime, you can contact me here. |
Andrew Baker’s Saturday quiz |
Gather round for the latest instalment of my Saturday quiz.
1. On this date in 1951, the first regularly scheduled flights commenced between London Heathrow Airport and Idlewild Airport in New York City. Which airline provided the service?
2. By which name is Idlewild Airport now known?
3. What was the name of Eric Idle’s 2005 Broadway musical based on Monty Python and the Holy Grail?
4. Which python is the world’s longest species of snake?
5. What is the name of the python in The Jungle Book?
You can find the answers at the end of the newsletter.
Plus, can you tackle The 1% Club? Scroll down to see if you got the questions right – and play for free on our website and app.
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Find as many words as you can in today’s Panagram, including the nine-letter solution. Visit Telegraph Puzzles to play a range of head-scratching games, including The 1% Club, Cogs, and Quick, Mini or Cryptic Crosswords.
Yesterday’s Panagram was COAGULANT. Come back tomorrow for the solution to today’s puzzle. |
Thank you for reading. Have a fulfilling day and I hope to see you tomorrow. Chris Evans, Editor
P.S. Please send me your thoughts on this newsletter. You can email me here. |
Quiz answers:
- El-Al
- John F Kennedy International
- Spamalot
- Reticulated python
- Kaa
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